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Breaking the link to negative emotional triggers

You are in your car travelling down the road and you see a red light, you automatically put your foot on the break and slow down before coming to a complete stop at the traffic lights.

As you are sitting at the lights you see a woman waiting to cross who is very pregnant and you immediately feel jealous and sad.

The traffic lights and the pregnant lady have something in common.  They both triggered an immediate response in you without any conscious thought.

Anchors or triggers

These are what are known as anchors. An ‘anchor’ in Neuro Linguistic Programming is when a response becomes associated with an external or internal stimulus.  In this case, the red traffic light immediately caused you to stop the car.  The traffic light is the external stimulus and the associated response or reflex action was to lift your foot and put it on the break pedal to slow the car down and bring it to a complete stop.  This anchor and associated action probably didn’t cause you to feel any great emotions – (unless you were running late!)

Similarly, when you saw the pregnant woman at the lights (external stimulus being the pregnant woman) you immediately felt jealous and sad (associated response to the stimulus) and probably even had an unconscious thought like ‘why can’t that be me’, maybe you sighed, hunched your shoulders over ever so slightly or even cried.  This trigger and associated actions made you feel like crap!

Whilst it is completely understandable that you might feel this way, the problem with this second scenario is there is a larger anchor forming that I see all too often. And that is, you are starting to link pain to being pregnant and to your fertility. 

So why is this a problem?  Well, apart from feeling miserable a lot (as I’m assuming you think about pregnancy and your fertility a lot) you are also starting to condition your unconscious mind to work against you in your journey. 

The unconscious mind does everything it can to keep us safe from pain.  And if you are linking being pregnant to pain then your unconscious mind is more than likely being a good best friend and keeping you safe from getting pregnant.  It’s a giant kick in the teeth when that is actually the one thing you want most in the world!

Creating positive triggers

The good news is, it is easy to condition your unconscious mind to start to work for you in this journey and to eliminate those negative anchors or triggers.  And at the very least, if you eliminate those negative anchors, it will help you to live a more joyous life – starting NOW.

Like anything I do with my clients, first you have to get a benchmark and identify what your triggers are.  How do you know to feel sad or jealous or whatever emotion is coming up for you?

Is it when you see the pregnant lady, when you hear your friend announce their pregnancy, is it when you get your period, is it when you have a particular thought?  Or maybe it is ALL of these.

Secondly, you need to start to identify the feelings and thoughts that you would rather have.  Instead of feeling despondent, maybe you would rather sit up straight, smile and think – that’s going to be me this year with a warm knowing feeling inside.

And thirdly you need to condition your mind to respond to the stimulus that way.

It all sounds a bit clinical, but it’s a fun easy process that I do with my clients that continues to reap benefits throughout all areas of their lives.

A quick easy way to start to condition your mind is to pick an area of your body that isn’t touched often – maybe your earlobe.  And give it a little squeeze.  Your earlobe will now serve as your external stimulus, like the traffic lights, to tell your body what to do unconsciously.  Sounds whacky I know but just stay with me here and give it a go and always use the same fingers with the same pressure when you do it.

Then I want you to think of a time that you had a warm knowing feeling inside and as you really feel that feeling, I want you to gently squeeze your earlobe for as long as you are feeling the intensity of that emotion.  Now, think of other times that you felt that way and each time squeeze your earlobe and keep pressing for as long as the emotion feels strong.

Now you may want to stack other positive emotions to your earlobe too, like feeling really happy or a time you just couldn’t stop laughing.  Think of those times, really get into feeling those emotions and when you are at the peak of feeling those emotions, gently squeeze your earlobe and hold it until just before the feeling starts to wane.

Also, whenever you are just in everyday life and you are experiencing a strong positive emotion that you want to feel just squeeze your earlobe again to anchor in those good emotions.

You have now created a positive anchor for yourself. Pretty cool right?

How to use your positive trigger

Well here is the best part.  The next time you see the pregnant lady in the street or hear about your friends pregnancy and you start to feel those old negative emotions creeping up your body, just fire off your positive anchor by squeezing your earlobe and see what happens!  Keep gently squeezing your earlobe until you feel the positive emotions take over.

If done correctly, you will probably find yourself smiling, feeling good and maybe even laughing.  You’ve effectively just collapsed that negative anchor.  How?  Because the body can’t experience a negative and positive emotion at the same time and if you have created such a strong enough positive anchor then it will win out over your negative response and break the association to the external stimulus.

See, good does win out over evil!

I invite you to give it a go and let me know what happened for you!  

If you need any help or would like to talk to me about working together then just set up a time in my calendar for a 30 minute chat or send me an email and I will get back to you.  Happy baby-making!

Bella x