Episode 2: How To Fully Align Yourself To The Fertility Journey and Remove Resistance

Bella Hilton:

Hey everyone, I’m your host Bella Hilton from Studio Fertility, and welcome to the Miracles Happen podcast today from wherever you are listening in the world. I’m excited as always to be sharing with you anything I can that can help you on your successful journey to conceiving your baby or babies.

So today we are going to be looking at something that I feel is the essence of what I do with my clients and that is to shift them to be fully aligned with their fertility journey. And more importantly, aligned with a successful journey.

Because as you can imagine it is no surprise when people come to me that they aren’t feeling very empowered. In fact they have a lot of negative self-talk going on, they feel miserable and desperate and they feel very hopeless about their situation.

Whether they have a million obstacles in their path from their condition or diagnosis OR their fertility at this point, is just completely unexplained, it’s no wonder. When day after day after month after month after year after year goes by – it can be difficult to hold out that hope of this working out.

But there is one thing they all have going for them. Their tenacity – they are unwilling to give up on their dream. And I love that. And I know for you listening today, you are also unwilling to give up on your dream and shouldn’t have to.

Now one of the secrets to doing all of this and making sure your dreams become reality is to make sure you are fully aligned with getting pregnant and having a baby.

Now, I don’t talk about the physical side (as in the mechanical, nutritional, toxic environment type stuff), although I do think it is important, because there are other experts in this area and I’m not trained in it and honestly by the time my clients come to me they are usually experts in it anyway. They are eating healthily, they are taking good supplements, they are doing good exercise. But if you need help in this area, i can always point you in the right direction.

But there is another reason I don’t focus on the physical side of things – because TOO MUCH we are taught that this is JUST a physical or mechanical thing. And it is no surprise = Fertility specialists are trained to look at the mechanical side of it. They haven’t trained themselves in proper nutrition, they haven’t trained themselves in the emotional aspects, they haven’t trained themselves in the psychological aspects and they haven’t trained themselves in the spiritual aspects. And I think it takes all of it.

To be even more frank we can get TOO hung up on the physical side – when I got pregnant, I was eating ALL the gluten, having ALL the dairy and having sugary foods, using microwaves and toxic makeup and household products etc. Now I don’t want to be remiss here and say that I was eating at McDonalds everyday. I still had a good diet – I’ve always eaten a good, varied diet of foods – lots of fruits and veggies. But I ate toasted cheese sandwiches weekly. I wasn’t drinking on a daily basis – I never really have, but I did go out and have some fun nights with friends that resulted in too much alcohol in my preconception preparation. But boy did I have fun!

And I can tell you, I had a very healthy and amazing pregnancy. I didn’t get morning sickness, my boobs got sore for about a week, I didn’t get indigestion, I never felt uncomfortable, I slept really well. All of this, at the age of 38, after 13 years of trying.

My point being we can focus TOO MUCH on the physical side of getting pregnant and conception that we are always looking for the magic bullet of what is going work.

So and so tried this supplement, so and so did castor oil packs, so and so stood on her head while eating 3 apricots each day. The list is endless of the things that we CAN try and CAN do and I’m not saying not to try new things as long as it feels good to you and the right next step. If you are doing it out of fear and panic – throw it away!

Never approach things from fear and panic, only approach things because they feel like the right next step and not because you are worried about running out of time or whatever it is for you.

Now, emotional, psychological and spiritual side of the journey tends to get ignored. And yet, they have great impact on success. We are quick to say, if someone has had a heart attack – that they have been too stressed and need to destress their lives. But that same idea isn’t extended to fertility challenges, we still assume it is all mechanical. And I’ve seen far too many miracles to put much stock in that.

Now, I also want to say that while I think their is too much focus on the physical – I’m not saying you shouldn’t be informed about your health and your body and take care of yourself in the way that you need to. I just see too many women going down the rabbit hole and spending hours and hours chasing after their dreams and the next supplement that they think might work.

They get hopeful, but they don’t align themselves to that next thing or supplement and again it doesn’t work. And they go back to square 1 of trying.

But I want to show you how your dreams can come to you. See the MORE we do on this journey, almost the less effective it is. If we become so stressed out by trying to work and go to all our appointments and choke on twenty million supplements and have a routine that never allows us to leave the house or have any fun then we are ensuring that we are pushing ourselves INTO stress.

Being in a rut to me – is stressful. Being completely over something – is stressful. Not getting results time after time after time – is super stressful.

And month after month goes by of trying thing after thing which just reinforces how all of this is not going to work – EVER? Right! But there is only one problem with that – you desperately want it to work. You want to have your baby – so you keep pushing through all the pain and heartache and never stop to remove the resistance and get aligned with your journey.

So how do we aligned ourselves with the journey?

The definition of: aligning to something is:

Fig. to bring oneself into agreement with that something. And for me with fertility – it is to bring yourself into FULL agreement with a successful fertility journey. One where you get to be called Mum or Mom or whatever the word is in your language.

So this is what I look at with my clients everyday. Where are they out of alignment with a successful pregnancy journey. Just like a chiropractor looks at your body and asks where is out of alignment, structurally, skeletally or a doctor looks at your illness and thinks – where is her body out of alignment and what can I do about it?! Antibiotic, surgery etc.

So, if you dare to go there today, I want you to ask yourself, where you are out of alignment with your body, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

Maybe you are out of alignment with your body physically because you don’t have a good mind-body connection. Maybe you aren’t listening to the amount of stress you have going on and not resting enough, or not exercising enough etc. Maybe you are not getting enough sleep and you are constantly pushing through. You know, if you physically feel crap, then maybe you are out of alignment with your physical side.

Now let’s look at the other sides: the emotional, psychological and spiritual.

And there is a simple question that you can ask yourself here:

Is what you are thinking, believing, feeling, saying and doing aligned on your journey?

If you said yes, good for you! Your baby probably isn’t far away and you probably understand the concepts that I have been talking about inside out.

I’m actually going to take a stab in the dark here – if you are listening to this – then you probably said no.

Because most of my clients are on a journey that looks something like this.

Thinking – a lot of negative thoughts daily about how their body is letting them down, that they don’t trust their bodies, they think about the percentage chance that their doctor says they have or they have that ear worm from their doctor about considering IVF or considering egg donors or that they are getting old, or their egg quality is compromised, thinking they are ‘running out of time’

Believing – They don’t actually believe this can happen for them. After all they have a lot of evidence of it NOT working out. Instead they believe that they have insurmountable challenges, they believe it is hard to change their egg quality, they believe that their body doesn’t know how to do this, they believe that IVF doesn’t work the first time (I get that one a lot).

Feeling – they are feeling hopeless, dejected, miserable, panicked – doing things and making decisions out of fear and feeling rushed into things, they are constantly having their hearts ripped out over pregnancy announcements, they are starting to feel resentful of other women, or all the supplements they have to take or choke down every morning, stressed about how to fit in all the appointments or what else they should try that month. They are feeling angry with their husbands for not being more supportive or not seeming more invested somehow

Saying – they are talking to other people all about what is going wrong and not what is going right, they are saying that their body is broken, they are saying that their age is problem.

I remember one person I knew who was actually pregnant but turning 40 in a few months time. And despite her numbers going up in the right direction, she didn’t believe in her pregnancy, she was just walking around all the time saying “I don’t want to know that I’m turning 40 and can’t get pregnant”. She was saying that to all her friends and she was quite desperate and panicked by it. And this is DESPITE the fact that she WAS pregnant. She was actually pregnant.

So can anyone guess what happened? She got down the path of seeing the heartbeat but the baby didn’t thrive and she ended up miscarrying at 9 weeks but here is the kicker – it was ON her 40th birthday that the miscarriage started. Her body listened to her.

So be careful with what you are saying to others or saying to yourself.

Doing – what are you doing? Is it aligned with a successful journey to pregnancy? Sometimes we sabotage our own efforts. Again, I know a woman who noticed that every time it was ovulation time and time to have sex with her husband – she would get mad with him in some way and pick a fight. Now she would usually still go through with trying to conceive but she was doing it whilst having these angry thoughts and feelings toward her husband.

ALL of what you are thinking, believing, feeling and saying will impact what you do. Do you spend 3 hours on Dr Google every day trying to diagnose all your niggles and twitches or trying to find that ONE thing that will make you get pregnant and just drive yourself crazy? Because you are kinda telling your body already – that hey, I haven’t figured this out yet. I don’t know how to get pregnant. So your body – goes ‘okay, you are right!’ – I don’t know how to get pregnant.

And that’s what I mean by bringing yourself into alignment with getting pregnant and delivering a happy and healthy baby.

Because at the moment, you are probably working against yourself, in one way or another.

Now, it might be a tough leap to go from totally disempowered to totally aligned and empowered, so let’s talk about some small steps here.

How do you align your thinking? Well, short of thinking I AM EXTREMELY fertile, I am fully aligned with my journey, my egg quality amazing. Because you might get that little voice in the back of your head that says ‘no your not’ – which kinda undermines your thoughts.

The first thing you can do is start to think of all the things that ARE going right in your journey?

do you ovulate?

do you have cycle every month?

do you still have eggs?

does your husband still have sperm? or do you have a great sperm donor?

do you take care of yourself?

is your doctor just amazing?

do you have a great confidante?

Is your husband or partner just the best support ever?

Write down, no matter how big or small or trivial what is going right here. When you start thinking of all that is going wrong – try to redirect your mind to what is going right!

To align your beliefs – start to look at what you know is true.

I will be an amazing mother

I believe I am going to be a Mum.

I believe that I am fertile

I believe that I am doing everything I can to conceive my baby.

To start align your feelings – well you need to start to listen to your feelings and not push them down. you actually need to start to feel your feelings fully – good and bad so you can move on from the negative ones. you can’t keep COPING through this process, you need to deal with the negative emotions so you have a chance of getting your body out of stress mode.

To align what you are saying – be careful of the story you are repeating over and over again. Start telling a different story. your body is not holding you back, you are holding back your body from repeating the same story over and over. And what I mean is, if you are repeating the negative story over and over you aren’t focusing on the good things that are happening you are just focussed on the negative. Find a different way to tell your story that feels more positive and is looking forward to success rather than looking back at what feels like failure.

To align to what you are doing – it should flow naturally from the rest – but this can look like having a look at all the things you are doing to get pregnant – restrictive diets, the supplements the appointments etc and start asking yourself if it feels good. Does doing acupuncture feel good and feel aligned on my journey – do I believe in it? Does this supplement feel right for me? Does this restrictive diet where i never have a drink feel good to me? For some women – yes it does, for some women, no it doesn’t. For some women no drinking is easy and makes their body feel amazing, for some women no drinks means feeling isolated from their friends and having no fun, so adding back in a glass or two a fortnight or whatever, can be extremely beneficial to some.

Just start to look more consciously at what you are thinking, believing, feeling, saying and doing around your fertility, things will start to shift slowly and you will start to become more aligned with your journey and your baby.

And ask yourself one more question here: if you were FULLY aligned with a successful fertility journey and believed 100% in your ability to get pregnant – what would you be doing differently? i’ll leave you to answer that.

Thanks for tuning in today to the Studio Fertility: Miracles Happen podcast where we discover the power of your mind and emotions on the journey to conceiving your baby podcast. I’m Bella Hilton and I look forward to podcasting with you again soon.

Remember, never give up on your dreams, because dreaming is what makes life worthwhile.

Big hugs to you all. xx 

And remember, Miracles Happen