Have you ever driven somewhere and realised you don’t remember the trip because you were on autopilot? Do you habitually put things in the same places, like your keys, without really remembering doing it? Or how about this, do you think about how you drive a car when you get in to drive it – or do you just ‘do it’?
When we have done something enough times in our lives, we tend to just do it without really paying attention to what we are doing – it just becomes a natural extension of our daily life. Because if we went around concentrating on every little thing that we did, it would be overwhelming and exhausting. So the unconscious mind takes on the skill and makes it just seem automatic.
It’s the same with our thoughts and beliefs. See, thinking is habitual.
Firstly, if you are more prone to thinking negatively or positively, it is because you have trained your unconscious mind to think that way. Unfortunately like driving a car, thinking is not something we were ever ‘consciously’ taught. We just took a stab in the dark and did our best. And you would have been influenced by and modelled the people and environment around you.
Secondly, the thoughts and beliefs you hold are also self-taught. See no-one taught you how to think but YOU (although we are heavily influenced). And no-one tells you what to think or believe but you.
Just ponder that for a moment.
I just told you that you are in charge of your own mind and the thoughts and beliefs that you have. So if you want to think more positively or believe in yourself more, you can! Pretty cool right?!
Okay, I won’t get ahead of myself and say that it is all ‘so easy’ because we all would have done it by now if we could. Who couldn’t use some more selfconfidence with unwavering belief in our abilities? AMIRIGHT?!!
Thinking and fertility
So when you have been on the fertility rollercoaster for a while, and you aren’t seeing results, it’s easy to start thinking the worst and that it is never going to happen. We start to train our brains into thinking and believing all the negative things. Especially when trusted professionals are telling you that your chances are small.
Some people even enter the journey of fertility this way, thinking it won’t work or it will be hard. For example, we commonly accept all the banter going around that conceiving after 35 is difficult and over 40 nearly impossible – on autopilot. These messages are everywhere so it is no wonder that we do. But this is continually being proven wrong.
So almost unwittingly we train ourselves to keep thinking and believing that our journey to parenthood is going to be a long difficult road or that it may never happen.
Because the saying, ‘If you think you can or think you can’t, you are right’ – even applies to the fertility game.
How to change your patterns of thinking
If you want to start to think more positively and not feel so negative all the time, then you can. The choice is actually yours, and here is how.
Step 1. Firstly you need to become consciously aware of what you are thinking.
If you are just thinking on ‘autopilot’ chances are you aren’t thinking exactly what you want to be thinking.
Step 2. You need to identify what you would rather think instead. This one is pretty easy. If you are constantly thinking negatively about your fertility, then the thoughts you want to think are probably the opposite of your current thought. Ie ‘It’s never going to happen’ changes to ‘My baby is coming soon’, or ‘I will hold my baby this year.’
Step 3. Start being more consciously aware of your thinking and when you catch yourself being negative about your fertility you need to challenge your thinking on the spot. Try asking yourself, is that really true? After all, do you REALLY know it is never going to happen?
So why on earth do we want to be more positive about our fertility?
Having a healthier attitude to our ability to conceive greatly in influences the messages that we are giving our body and how our bodies are reacting.
If you go into an IVF cycle thinking it probably won’t happen – well guess what?
If I’m to simplify it, it’s about visualisation. When you are having negative thoughts about the success of your fertility or treatment you are effectively imagining it not working. And causing yourself a lot of heartache and distress.
You are already living in the future and not in the moment.
It’s the same as if someone stood at the top of a tall building and couldn’t look down due to fear. Are they in danger? No. But their mind has already visualised them going ker-splat on the pavement below and the body reacts with fear, panic and sweat.
If we imagine not conceiving that month, we give signals to our body to be stressed out, depressed and anxious – all things that can actually have an impact on your fertility.
If you can’t get on board with going from ‘it’s not going to happen’ to ‘it is going to happen’ then I would say at least get to a neutral emotional state about it and say something like ‘it is possible for me’. When we open ourselves up to possibility, then you have created room for things to happen.
Easier said than done? I get it. If you want to work with someone you can help you turn your fertility journey and your life around then check out our programs today.