The two week wait is something that is well written about with many offering what they do to cope during this time.
If you are going through IVF or IUI, all the activity like blood tests and ultrasounds and operations are over and you literally have to WAIT. Oh the agony!
Similarly with trying to conceive naturally, you can’t check for cervical mucous or pee on luteinising hormone sticks. (You can of course still take your temperature and obsess over it ad nauseam if that is your thing.)
The thing that tends to take our focus now is checking for any little sign of pregnancy.
Do I feel sick?
Does my mouth feel a bit dry?
Did I feel a bit dizzy earlier?
Do I feel a bit extra hungry?
Is that cramping from pregnancy or my pending
period?
And then of course, if you’ve truly become obsessed, you start peeing on more sticks to try and get that beautiful second line!
While it makes sense in the beginning half of any cycle to be a bit more on top of your cycle to ensure you are maximising your chances of conception and having sex at the right time, wouldn’t it be nice if the second half of your cycle was just set and forget?
Because too many times, I’ve seen women who are not in a two week wait, they are in a 4 year wait or longer. And it’s causing them some serious stress. And what they are really waiting for is their life to start again.
They have put their friends, their relationship, self-care and any sort of fun completely to the side.
Now I get it. I’ve been there too.
When you are so focussed on something that you desperately want it can be all-consuming. And if you want to get pregnant it definitely should take some of your attention each month to maximise your opportunity.
It just doesn’t need to take ALL of it.
So how do you ensure it doesn’t take over your entire life?
The answer is simple, by focussing on other things. The reality of course is a little more
complex and just takes a little practice.
When you have something else to focus on though, then the ‘waiting’ can feel a lot less or even disappear. It also helps you expand your identity to being more than just a walking, talking ‘fertility problem’. (But that’s another blog I’ll need to write).
How to find something else to focus on
Step 1.
Where have you put your life on hold? Going on a trip? Buying a new car? Going out with your friends?
(Maybe ask yourself a cheeky question: if you weren’t trying to have a baby – what would you be doing instead? What would your life look like? How would
you feel?)
The thing is, if you are putting your life on hold for your baby, you are probably also putting other things on hold that you didn’t even realise you were because that pattern of ‘waiting’ will start to mimic itself in other areas.
I constantly see women who have put their passions on hold and are in jobs that do not light them up. I see women who are working too hard instead of prioritising their self-care. I see women subsisting and miserable instead of living their best life now!
When I discovered this pattern of ‘waiting’ in my own life – I learnt a lot. I discovered that I had sat in a job I didn’t want to be in for three years. I was even putting the simplest things on hold in my life, like getting my hair cut shorter. I’d been talking about that for 3 years too!
To justify not getting my hair cut shorter I’d say to myself: “It’s such a cliche, women over 40 always start to cut their hair short. I’m need to lose some weight before I can get my hair cut. Maybe I’ll look like my mum ?” (Sorry Mum.)
And then I had my moment of awareness and clarity. I calmed my mind, took a deep breath and went and did it. And I haven’t looked back! I love my shorter
hair.
And I’m definitely working in my area of passion! I took my life out of a ‘holding pattern’ and started to see all it had to offer.
Step 2.
Choose one or two things that you can do to start living your life more fully. Is it a course you have always wanted to do? Or getting your hair cut? How about moving to a new city where you’ll have to find a new IVF team? Is it pursuing your passions? Did you used to paint or sing and you stopped? Maybe its even just a book you want to read (instead of being on an endless loop of fertility forums that leave you feeling depressed).
Don’t think about it too much, just start! You can always add to the list when you discover those things you’ve had tucked away that are just waiting for you to notice them again.
Step 3.
Commit fully to the things that you are going to focus on and make time for yourself to pursue them. Make time to read your book. Schedule in some time to talk to someone who is ‘doing what you’ve always wanted to do’ etc.
Find the balance in your life to give back to yourself. You need to stop giving ALL of yourself to this journey – it’s depleting you.
Step 4.
Challenge yourself to come up with something right now that you can do.
Because when would NOW be a good time to start living your life again?